Mobbing - Bullying of a target by a group
Are you reluctantly or unwittingly supporting a bully's behavior towards their target?
Does the bully expect you to listen sympathetically as they describe their hatred for their target?
Do you agree with the bully when they blame their target for 'making' them act like a bully?
Do you make excuses for the bully's behavior?
Are you afraid to say anything in support of the bully's target?
Do you find yourself lying to others to hide your association with the bully or their target?
Do you find yourself lying to the bully's target? (for their own good, of course)
Are you avoiding the bully's target to avoid creating problems with the bully?
Would a suggestion to invite the bully's target to a social gathering be met with hostility by the bully and their group?
Would having lunch or being seen talking with the bully's target cause you problems with the bully and their group?
Have you encouraged anyone to avoid or exclude the bully's target professionally or socially?
Do you resent or blame the bully's target for the awkward and uncomfortable situation at the office?
Do you wish the bully's target would stop objecting to being bullied and just go away quietly?
Are you afraid to stop supporting the bully's behavior due to a fear of retaliation?
Do you agree with the bully when they blame their target for 'making' them act like a bully?
Do you make excuses for the bully's behavior?
Are you afraid to say anything in support of the bully's target?
Do you find yourself lying to others to hide your association with the bully or their target?
Do you find yourself lying to the bully's target? (for their own good, of course)
Are you avoiding the bully's target to avoid creating problems with the bully?
Would a suggestion to invite the bully's target to a social gathering be met with hostility by the bully and their group?
Would having lunch or being seen talking with the bully's target cause you problems with the bully and their group?
Have you encouraged anyone to avoid or exclude the bully's target professionally or socially?
Do you resent or blame the bully's target for the awkward and uncomfortable situation at the office?
Do you wish the bully's target would stop objecting to being bullied and just go away quietly?
Are you afraid to stop supporting the bully's behavior due to a fear of retaliation?
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If you reluctantly answered 'Yes' to many of the above questions, you're probably feel the pressure to join in the bullying. In other words, you're being bullied!
Bullies are very skilled at controlling and manipulating the thoughts and behaviors of their co-workers. They are very good at bullying people like yourself to think and act like a bully so you can fit in with their social or professional group. Try not to join in if you can avoid retaliation. |
If you are the target of a bully and a group of their friends, realize that some of the members of the mob may not be trying to bully you. They may not even realize they are participating the the bully's plan. And if they are reluctantly supporting the bully, they are probably just trying to survive and not be bullied themselves. Try not to transfer your anger and frustration with the bully towards your co-workers -- they are targets of the bully themselves and are doing the best they can.
Co-workers of the bully's target allow bullying to occur because they are afraid of...
- being retaliated against later by the bully and their friends
- being harassed and bullied by the bully and their friends for not participating
- being accused of being soft or weak
- being socially ostracized by the bully and their friends
- being professionally marginalized by the bully and their friends
- being seen as siding with ‘the loser’ in a dispute
- being in a no-win situation so they try not to make waves.
- being retaliated against later by the bully and their friends
- being harassed and bullied by the bully and their friends for not participating
- being accused of being soft or weak
- being socially ostracized by the bully and their friends
- being professionally marginalized by the bully and their friends
- being seen as siding with ‘the loser’ in a dispute
- being in a no-win situation so they try not to make waves.
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Perhaps you are part of a group that has bullied someone in the past, but you don't think of yourself as a bully. Consider that when you hang out with people who bully, participating in bullying activities such as excluding someone from events, gossiping about the target, or hurting the target in other ways, you're a bully as much as anyone else in the group.
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A Director at the college, after perhaps thoughtlessly participating in the ostracism of a colleague, asserted they are "not in the business of excluding people." And yet that is exactly what he did. Afterwards he apologized by saying that he was sorry the target felt hurt -- which is not an apology at all.
Why is he in denial about his behavior? Perhaps it is too painful to his self-image to recognize himself as a bully. But, just because he does not recognize it in himself, that does not mean other people don't see it. If you hang out with bullies, you will thought of as a bully as well. |
Many of the quotes about bullying in the Links area are applicable to this topic...